Cars and Traffic

Because my dad died from a car accident, I have developed a fear of traffic.

In January my husband and I were in a very scary car accident. If we had not been buckled up or my husband had not turned the car a little to avoid the accident, we might both be dead. The car was totaled and I had bumps and bruises but other than that we were ok. We were going about 60mph going through a light that had just turned yellow. A Bronco decided to turn left in front of us. We hit the Bronco in the middle of the intersection.

Not only was this my first car accident but my dad had just died three months previous from a car accident. I was a wreck. Honestly I have not driven the car very much since then. When my husband drives I am so jumpy and nearly scream at yellow lights. I get so unnerved in cars.

I hate walking across the street, even in crosswalks at traffic lights. I feel like I am going to get hit by a driver who isn't paying attention. Every time I cross the street I imagine myself getting hit and flying through the air, landing 10 feet away. I can't help it but to have these images fly through my mind. I even imagine the pain that I would feel if I were hit. It's a little disturbing. I know this sounds weird.

And of course, there are the commercials and movie scenes with car accidents that just about leave me in tears.

I don't know if any of you have experienced something like this, maybe related to the death of someone close to you. I may be alone in this, but I doubt it.

Other websites

I found a few links to sites that offer advice, much more professional.

The first is a blog but is written by a grief educator.

This one is written by an AOL member and offers ideas for dealing with the death of anyone close.

Another website that offers another approach to the death of a parent.

I'll add more as I find them, but I think these three are pretty good.

Keeping the Traditions Rolling

We have a spread out extended family so in an attempt to keep everyone connected somewhat, my dad would put together a family calendar each year and mail it out to everyone. He would collect all the photos and double-check all important dates (birthdays, anniversaries). It was something that we all looked forward to each December. This year, my dad had started on the calendar but hadn't gotten very far yet. Our family came together to finish it. My brother collected to photos, I designed the calendar and my mom printed it and sent it out. It didn't get out until April (mostly my fault) but it still got out. We felt like we were living up to what my dad would have done. It was a nice feeling.

If your deceased loved one had any type of tradition at all, I would recommend doing something to honor that each year. Instead of focusing on the passing, it focuses on the great things in his/her life.

Another example is that after a specific church meeting each year my dad would take my mom and me out to ice cream. My mom happened to be visiting my husband and me this year at that time and so we all went out to ice cream.

My dad loved to play cards on Sundays, however he wouldn't play with traditional playing cards but used Rook cards instead. His absolute favorite game was Hearts (then Phase 10). Playing these games with my siblings when we get together provides a great opportunity to talk and reminisce about my dad in a fun way, remembering him and his eccentricities without getting sad. We haven't done this yet, but I plan on doing it when we do get together in a few months. Even when I play these games with people outside of my family, it gives me a chance to think about how much fun I had with my dad learning new card games and mastering the favorites.