The No-Granddad Phenomenon
One of the most difficult parts about my father's death for me is knowing that my kids won't know their grandfather. I don't have any children right now, nor am I expecting, but I keep thinking about significant events in my children's lives (birth, baby blessing in church, baptism, etc.) and not having a grandfather there.
I don't understand the whole grandparent thing. My grandpas died before I was born, my paternal grandmother passed when I was 3 and my maternal grandmother passed when I was 16, but she had been sick and in a nursing home my entire life. She didn't have enough energy to be the traditional grandmother figure. I am the youngest of my family (by 17 years) and my mother was born later in her parent's life. Consequently, everyone in my family is older in comparison to the parents and grandparents of my friends.
Additionally, my husband's father passed away seven years ago. My husband is also the youngest of his family (by 16 years). He never knew his grandparents either. I'm confident that our mothers will be around for a while but the question is if their health will permit developing strong relationships with our children.
Some ideas I have come up with to deal with this situation when it comes are:
1. Make good friends and keep them close. They will serve as extended family for kids if there is no one else around. It's more than ok to have kids call their parent's close friends "Aunt" and "Uncle."
2. Adopt an elderly person into your family. They may not have children around and you may not have grandparents around. This will take a bit of effort to develop a relationship with them but if you get close it would be great for both parties.
3. Keep sibling relationships close and long-term. Make family vacations with the cousins, venture to visit each other and have everyone talk on the phone often.
None of these things will substitute for the real thing, but it may help you and your children deal with that void further on in life.
I don't understand the whole grandparent thing. My grandpas died before I was born, my paternal grandmother passed when I was 3 and my maternal grandmother passed when I was 16, but she had been sick and in a nursing home my entire life. She didn't have enough energy to be the traditional grandmother figure. I am the youngest of my family (by 17 years) and my mother was born later in her parent's life. Consequently, everyone in my family is older in comparison to the parents and grandparents of my friends.
Additionally, my husband's father passed away seven years ago. My husband is also the youngest of his family (by 16 years). He never knew his grandparents either. I'm confident that our mothers will be around for a while but the question is if their health will permit developing strong relationships with our children.
Some ideas I have come up with to deal with this situation when it comes are:
1. Make good friends and keep them close. They will serve as extended family for kids if there is no one else around. It's more than ok to have kids call their parent's close friends "Aunt" and "Uncle."
2. Adopt an elderly person into your family. They may not have children around and you may not have grandparents around. This will take a bit of effort to develop a relationship with them but if you get close it would be great for both parties.
3. Keep sibling relationships close and long-term. Make family vacations with the cousins, venture to visit each other and have everyone talk on the phone often.
None of these things will substitute for the real thing, but it may help you and your children deal with that void further on in life.
posted by Julia | 9:58 AM
1 Comments:
it's a funny thing... my father is still living, but not really the cuddly type of parent or grandparent.
my husband's dad died 4 years ago. he was 91. my husband knew none of his grandparents.
I knew mine, but one grandfather died when I was 10, the other when I was in my 20's. but neither was a person I was close to.
maybe this has nothing to do with anything, but I don't live near any of my family, so we have included into ours folks who are close. family is blood, but it is also what you make of it; the people you love and include in your life.
but losing a parent isn't easy either...
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